Adventure junkie expat Aussie setting out on a new life as full-time writer / domestic goddess.

Born and bred in Queensland Australia but now living in Ireland after a serial travel addiction. Met an amazing man here and ended up staying. Both of the boys were born here and have a weird accent with touches of Aussie, English, Irish and even Spanish from my mum.

To quote Jane Austen: If adventures do not befall a young lady in her own village, she must seek them abroad.

So I finished my degree and like so many young Aussie's headed overseas on my Grand Tour and a little like one of my literary heroes Percy Bysshe Shelley never really made it home.

Started blogging a few years ago but after getting hijacked by a hacker and the pain of taking down the site, went back to my old school journal by the bed.

Now that I am writing full-time and the laptop is superglued to me, I thought I would take up where I left off.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Forgiveness does not mean that we suppress anger; forgiveness means that we have asked for a miracle:  the ability to see through mistakes that someone has made to the truth that lies in all of our hearts. Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness. Attack thoughts towards others are attack thoughts towards ourselves. The first step in forgiveness is the willingness to forgive. - Marianne Williamson.

I get it, I really do. And I have always thought of myself as a forgiving person. Hurts against myself are easy to forgive. I like who I am and I have few regrets. In the selfishness of our youth we are single-minded and only concerned with the things that impact us directly. I always felt so virtuous that I could forgive the people and events that came into my life and take those giant leaps of faith into a better future.
The changes I have made in my life in the last two years, all aimed at finding and living in bliss have taught me so much. One of the hardest lessons I have learnt is that the forgiveness I always found so comforting had limits. 
Becoming a mother has been the greatest gift. My heart swells with so much love for my boys and their father that it sometimes takes my breath away. And in those moments I know that I would protect them with everything in my power. In this knowledge comes the realisation of everything my own mother must have felt.
It has given me a new respect, a deeper understanding and love for my own mother and the greater realisation that I would go to the same lengths to protect her.
Out of this I now know that I have not quite cracked this forgiveness thing. I struggle daily to forgive the people who hurt my family and closest friends. I know with clarity of mind that not to forgive only impacts on me and prevents me from moving on, but in my heart it does not matter. The protective instinct of a lioness comes to the fore.
I am willing to forgive. I want to live in harmony with myself and those around me. I need to go back to the beginning and learn how to forgive all over again. Never too old to learn a new lesson.
So I send my intention out into the universe. Protect the people I love and keep them safe because I am not sure how long this lesson will take to learn. In the meantime, I will hope for my miracle and think of Seamus Heaney's words: 

Hope for a great sea-change
On the far side of revenge.
Believe that a further shore is reachable from here.
Believe in miracles
And cures and healing wells.

1 comment:

  1. Hiya Delia... hope you and all the handsome men in your life are all well. Forgiveness can be so heard, even for the most tender of hearts, I know!! But like my Mum has taught me my entire life, if you don't forgive you are forever bound to that person through your feelings. Forgiveness is really a gift to yourself. You are so right, becoming a Mum changes everything and I share those same deep feelings that you described so elequently in this post. Take care and be easy on yourself cause you are beautiful, inside and out!! Love Chicky xxx